Do you struggle to believe that other people care about you, even when you know they do? This is a sign of emotional impermanence, a common problem many face in society today. Emotional impermanence can lead to fractured romantic and platonic relationships, as well as an overall decline in quality of life. This article explores strategies for overcoming the impermanence of emotions and achieving emotional stability.
What Is Emotional Impermanence?
Emotional impermanence is a difficulty believing that the feelings of loved ones are genuine and still present when they are not being actively expressed. It is the lack of emotional permanence, a term that describes the capacity to believe in and hold onto the feelings of others in their absence.
Emotional permanence is related to object permanence, which is the understanding that an object continues to exist when it cannot be seen or otherwise sensed. Object permanence explains why some infants will look for a toy hidden in their presence, while others show a lack of interest or confusion. The same principle applies to emotions, as well.
People with emotional impermanence struggle to accept that the feelings of others continue to exist in their absence. Such individuals find it difficult to form and maintain relationships due to insecure attachment, anxiety, and a constant need for reassurance, which can be overwhelming to their partner.
Signs of Emotional Impermanence
Here are some signs that indicate emotional impermanence:
- Constant reassurance seeking
- Fear of abandonment (an irrational and strong fear of losing loved ones)
- Insecurity in relationships
- Low self-esteem
- Excess need for validation
- Emotional volatility, characterized by mood swings and trouble expressing emotions
- Difficulty regulating emotions
- Constant pessimism
- Strong distrust in others, especially in their absence or during conflicts
However, do not confuse emotional impermanence with wanting reassurance from your partner or craving physical touch and quality time. These feelings are not only normal but also important in a healthy relationship. However, they are expressed in a way that creates problems in emotional impermanence.
What Causes Emotional Impermanence?
The main factors that can cause or increase the risk of emotional impermanence include:
- Childhood trauma and emotional neglect during upbringing
- Previous toxic or abusive relationships
- Mental health conditions, such as borderline personality disorder (BPD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and depression
Some other factors, like stress, substance abuse, poor diet, and genetics, can also significantly increase the risk of having emotional impermanence. These factors cannot cause emotional impermanence on their own, but can contribute to the development of the main factors of emotional impermanence.
The Journey to Emotional Stability: 10 Strategies for Overcoming Emotional Impermanence
With the right strategies, you can help overcome emotional impermanence and begin the journey towards emotional resilience and stability. They include:
1. Self-Reflection
The first step to overcoming emotional impermanence is to look inward. People with emotional impermanence often question the genuineness of loved ones’ feelings towards them.
They usually end up questioning themselves, too, wondering if they are worth loving. However, they may fail to question why they have these feelings or try to understand their emotions. Noticing when these feelings occur and beginning to be curious about why is a first step to controlling them.
This is why self-reflection is the foundation of overcoming emotional impermanence.
2. Recognize Triggers
Understanding the triggers of emotional impermanence is the next step to overcoming it. There are multiple possible triggering factors, including a recollection of childhood trauma, toxic relationships, or previous feelings of rejection.
In some individuals, stress and substance use may also acutely trigger emotional impermanence. Understanding and identifying these triggers allows you to plan a way to manage these feelings.
3. Mindfulness Practices
Mindfulness refers to a state of being attentive and aware of the current moment and your body, thoughts, and feelings in it. While mindfulness sounds basic, it requires a conscious effort.
Consider it this way. If you’re walking in a crowded mall, you may recognize the fact that people are around you. However, you need to shift your primary vision to individual faces if you want to identify a specific person in the crowd.
In the same way, mindfulness allows you to focus on specific emotional responses. This way, you can fully recognize and review your emotions before responding to them.
Some common ways to practice mindfulness for emotional stability are:
- Mindful breathing
- Mindful eating
- Meditation
- Guided imagery
4. Build Trust
A key sign of emotional impermanence is a distrust in loved ones and their feelings, even when there’s no apparent need to. Overcoming these trust issues is necessary for emotional stability. Building trust in relationships starts from within, where you need to convince yourself first to trust others rather than needing them to prove their trustworthiness.
There are several ways to achieve this, and you need to find methods that suit you. For instance, you may keep memories of your time with them through pictures, cards, letters, or memory scrapbooks.
5. Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy is a form of therapy that requires communication between patients and therapists to assess and manage dysfunctional thoughts, emotions, and mental states. There are different psychotherapy techniques, with the most important therapy for emotional impermanence being cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
The CBT model is useful for emotional impermanence, as it is based on the relationship between cognition, emotions, and behaviors.[1] Simply put, CBT considers the cognitive aspects behind emotions and how they are expressed.
Many of the emotions and behaviors we express are due to cognitive problems rather than mood disorders. Applying this principle to emotional impermanence allows healthcare practitioners and patients to collaborate and reach a plan that modifies thinking patterns and, ultimately, emotions and behaviors.
6. Communication
People with emotional impermanence run into many relationship issues, as a constant need for reassurance and trust issues can be overwhelming and off-putting to partners. However, a lot of these relationship issues can be tackled with proper communication.
Be open with your partners and loved ones about your feelings, as they are usually safe spaces. Listen actively to them, processing and understanding the intent behind the words they say. You may also need to talk to a professional or participate in support groups of people with similar issues to yourself.
7. Stress Management Practices
Stress directly and indirectly promotes mental health conditions (like depression, ADHD, and BPD) that can then cause emotional impermanence.[2] Aside from these mental conditions, stress can also affect physical health, increasing the risk of cardiovascular, metabolic, and immune disorders.
Unfortunately, stress is inevitable in everyday life, and the number of stressors we face is constantly rising. To mitigate the dangerous effects of stress, the body has specialized stress management systems. One of these systems is the NeuroEndoMetabolic (NEM) Stress Response, which comprises six circuits of different organs and systems.
Unfortunately, when there is excess or long-term (chronic) stress, one or more of the NEM circuits may dysregulate. If the Neuroaffect circuit (which regulates mood and other mental functions) dysregulates, mental conditions may arise. These conditions may then lead to or worsen emotional impermanence.
Therefore, one of the most important strategies for achieving emotional stability is relieving stress. There are multiple ways to do this, including:
- Yoga
- Exercise
- Massage
- Meditation
- Tai Chi
- Acupuncture
8. Coping Mechanisms
Coping is the use of thoughts and actions to manage internal and external stressful situations. These thoughts and actions are known as coping mechanisms or strategies, and they are often effective ways of reducing the effects of negative emotions and thoughts.
There are different types of coping mechanisms, and they can be classified as healthy or unhealthy depending on their long-term effects and impact on personal growth.
Healthy coping strategies for emotional impermanence include:
- Exercise
- Mindfulness
- Problem solving
- Yoga
- Social Support
On the other hand, unhealthy coping mechanisms include:
- Smoking
- Gambling
- Drinking
- Social withdrawal
- Drug abuse
9. Diet and Supplements
Dietary choices and patterns influence mental health. Studies show that ultraprocessed foods and beverages increase inflammation and stress, promote mental health conditions (like depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder), and worsen overall mental health.[3]
Examples of ultraprocessed foods are fried foods, chips, donuts, sweets, and cookies. Other foods that promote inflammation can also increase stress and affect mental health. They include red meat, processed meat (bacon, sausage, deli meats, and hot dogs), and refined carbs.
Therefore, making dietary changes can support the development of emotional stability. Instead of ultraprocessed and other proinflammatory foods, consider adopting an anti-inflammatory diet, based on:
- Fruits, such as berries, citrus fruits, and apples
- Fatty fish, such as salmon, herring, and tuna
- Green leafy vegetables, such as kale, cabbage, and spinach
- Whole grains, such as oats, brown rice, quinoa
- Nuts and seeds, such as almonds, chia seeds, and flax seeds
- Spices, such as ginger and turmeric
- Legumes, such as beans and lentils
Dietary supplements can also help plug the nutritional gaps that normal diets don’t fill. Supplements that contain minerals and vitamins that improve mental health and relieve stress can be useful in overcoming emotional impermanence.
One such supplement is Adrenal Calm by Dr. Lam, which contains cerebral and relaxing nutrients like GABA, vitamin B6, niacin, magnesium, inositol, and valerian roots. In addition to these nutrients, amino acids like glycine with proven mental health benefits are included in the ingredient blend.[4]
Ensure you speak to your healthcare provider before using Adrenal Calm or any other supplement, as different people have different health needs.
10. Journaling
There’s a wealth of benefits in simply writing out your feelings and thoughts when managing emotional impermanence and other mental health conditions. For one, the act of writing allows you to process these feelings and thoughts.
Journaling can also increase self-awareness, bringing you closer to deep emotions and thoughts. What’s more, journaling allows you to track your progress over time. You can then compare and understand what strategies work best for you.
Can Emotional Impermanence Be Completely Overcome?
No, you cannot and should not attempt to completely overcome emotional impermanence because emotions themselves are not always permanent. While emotional impermanence is often regarded in negative contexts, the term itself captures the fact that emotions are fleeting.
So, the fact that someone loves you today does not mean their feelings will be permanent, and that they will always love you. However, individuals with emotional resilience and stability will be able to identify and respond appropriately to the absence or changes in emotions.
Conclusion
Emotional impermanence is a common cause for strained relationships and unnecessary anxiety. However, it is manageable. Through self-reflection, mindfulness, psychotherapy, and other healthy habits, you can build emotional resilience and stability.
At Lam Clinic, we believe in Rooted Care that transforms lives and empowers futures. Our team at Lam Clinic is here to walk with you on your journey, offering compassionate, integrative care that helps you restore what’s been lost and build what’s next. Schedule your consultation today and take the first step toward lasting wellness.
